Welcome. This is the Community Bulletin for the week of July 9th, 2013
Friday night’s Town Council meeting was packed, having to be moved and reconvened twice in order to accommodate the crowd. First it moved from the meeting room at the Museum out into the Museum proper, as the air in the room was getting a little thick with everybody holed up in a windowless office. The meeting was then removed to the front lawn of the Historical Society after somebody (and we aren’t naming names) thought climbing up one of the exhibits in order to get a better view was a good idea. Fortunately, the Town Council will be covering damages, that is, if we can find anybody capable of making the repairs without emptying the town coffers.
The big topic of discussion was the bidding process on the quarry parcels and its impact. The council had intended to discuss its impact on the “403 Remaining Balance.” However, the townsfolk that showed up were more concerned about the impact on our Off-Grid neighbors. After the July 4th party, many of us felt a new, vested interest in their welfare. Names associated with some of the bids had come to light, and folks were concerned about some of the things internet key-word searches about the various developers had uncovered. One of the companies is run by a famous big-game hunter known for belittling restaurant and hotel staff wherever he goes. Another company is run by another firm, held in shares by several other firms that are all owned by one fellow, which everybody present said just seemed kinda creepy.
Even though the funds from the sale would settle the 403 balance and finally put an end to the longstanding fence vs pothole debate, townsfolk asked if the Council could maybe slow down until “we have this developer thing figured out and know what’s going on.” Mara Arden suggested, yet again, that perhaps a new mayor would be better suited to address the issue.
This caused Mayor Amundsen to lose his generally resigned cool. In a tone which would read as mild exasperation coming from anybody else, he railed at the assembled crowd, and Ms Arden in particular. “Do you remember why I’m the mayor? Do you? Because I’m the only person here that has actually read any of the darned laws that we are expected to abide by. Have you ever read the State’s Guide for Municipal Processes? It’s like reading toilet installation instructions, with footnotes that have footnotes that have other footnotes, some of which cancel others out, and some that did, but oops, don’t any more. If anybody wants to be the one responsible for all this paperwork, please, be my guest. I’ll be the first signature on the recall initiative, and vote for it myself.”
He then apologized, and stepped down from his soapbox on the stoop of the museum and walked across the parking lot to the portable that serves as his office.
After awkwardly thanking him for his input, the council decided to table further discussion until next month.
The second agenda item some folks were really concerned about was the funding of The Library, The Museum, The Historical Society, and The Community Press (LMHP for short).
[Conflict of Interest Disclosure- The Editor is a volunteer of all four of the institutions in question and has a vested interest in their funding]
Since 1984, a large portion of the funds for the LMHP have been an informal Vice tax. With the number of studies at the time regarding the health impact of fatty foods, smoking, and idleness, local businesses agreed to include a surcharge on certain items, which then were used to fund daily operations of the LMHP. These included Cigarettes, Leaded Gasoline, Spraypaint, and pretty much any fried foods. A much younger Buster called the plan “taxing the old and stupid to try to make the young smarter” (1980’s Buster was new to town and wasn’t very nice yet). The plan seems to have worked out well, to its own detriment. Younger generations have been more active and taken better care of their health. Funding from EZ Chairs, soft drinks, and lard are practically nil and staff are concerned about support for current operations, let alone expanded programming. The Town Council said they would discuss the matter. The Council of Old Guys suggested a tire tax on Council members driving through The Pothole. This kicked off a bit of a “who started it” back-and-forth between several grown adults who should know better. We aren’t sure how the meeting ended, because all but seven or eight of us wandered off to Edna’s for our free sandwiches.
Exciting news for our Elementary School! Thanks to a prize from the “We Love Our Teachers” art competition, the music room will finally get some new instruments, including steel drums, marimbas, and an antique violin so amazingly sculpted that it seems like an entity in it’s own right. Mr Berto played “Mary Had a Little Lamb” on it, and the impression it left silenced the room, leaving us all awestruck. Such pathos. Such Yearning. I doubt anybody has ever seen a children’s ditty invoke such an emotional reaction in a room full of cynics.
Needless to say, the small coat closet in the music room will be converted into a reliquary where the violin will be enshrined when not in use.
No further word on The Scoutmaster. It has been over two weeks now, and evidence is that he is still alive. While we are thankful for his well-being, about half of those with money down are five bucks shorter for it. Them’s the breaks I guess.
This issue of the Community Bulletin is made possible by Southside Auto. Southside Auto thanks you for paying with cash or credit, letting them skip all the old hassle of keeping up with checks.
