This is your Community Bulletin for the week of October 8th, 2016.
Well, I’m a little embarrassed by the overall reception our new intern has gotten here in town, and feel a need to apologize on behalf of a few folks that don’t seem to know how to comport themselves. Perhaps those folks might consider their behavior more fitting in a bigger town where they don’t have to rub elbows with the old, weak, befuddled or infirm. I hear Portland is nice.
The trouble started, not with the awkward introduction to Edna, but with Hudson. Sophia had been at Stumpy’s getting an inservice from several of the older residence on the virtues of pimento vs pimento spread when our own gentle giant walked in to check his mail. Sophia and Hudson were introduced, some polite conversation was had, and Hudson left for his cabin with a brand new air quality meter, and Sophia returned to the museum to have “this whole pimento thing” unpacked for her, free of euphemism or doublespeak.
While we were finishing up picking Ms Sixkiller’s jaw off the floor, certain jealousies were being inflamed among some of the resident young ladies. It seems that there was an invisible, unspoken queue for who was allowed to try and catch Hudson’s eye, when, and under what social contexts. Suddenly, here was this interloper, this “east-coast hussy” that was stepping all over everyone’s toes because she had made small talk with Hudson whereas most of these girls had only gotten monosyllabic caveman talk.
Clearly. This “Broadway [redacted]” had to go.
It would be an insult to highschoolers everywhere to say “these ladies peaked in highschool.” Most of the kids in this town are extremely mature and polite, and will go far. The worst of the lot might get stuck going into politics. So instead, I will say these particular young women are… insecure. They are insecure and hang out with each other far too much.
So, they did what many folks in their position would do. They started a rumor campaign. They asked Stumpy if anything was missing. You know, because those New Yorkers were known for being shifty. They asked some of the other museum staff what it was like working with someone half their age with twice the professional credentials. They even asked Officer Martinez if she has seen Sophia behaving suspiciously.
We ignored it. Some folks act like this when they start to get cabin fever, and it’s time for them to stretch their legs and leave town. However, Ms Sixkiller was hearing about these rumors and was beginning to feel uncomfortable.
This went on till Wednesday, when one of the ladies decided that the coup de grace would be to drop a whole lotta “dirt” to Edna about her new favorite customer.
Edna was not amused.
Nope, not amused in the least. Though, how much of her offense was at the presumption of said persons that they could try to gossip with Edna is anyone’s guess. Edna hates gossip, unless she’s the one sharing it of course. As such, it seems that a certain pair of young ladies of the Newport persuasion are finding the town has turned a bit cold on them.
We may see some vacancies in the rental market in the near future.
When news of this spread, Brother Louis announced he’d be delivering a homily this Sunday called “Toxic Truths and The Unforgivable Sin” about the hazards of gossip in early Hebrew culture.
The Council of Old Guys were not nearly so subtle, loudly suggesting that certain young ladies might behave better if they’d “pull their asses from the mud and go work a [redacted] job in a [redacted] town where nobody knew their name and see how they like it” in their presence.
The way this town enforces social mores may be inconsistent, but it at least it is direct.
As to The Grand Revelation we shared with Ms Sixkiller, she has been champing at the bit to talk with Sheila as soon as she gets back. Sophia has all kinds of questions, and is practically going to blow a gasket if Sheila doesn’t come by soon. Like, around 10:00 AM Monday if that works for her. Please. Really, we aren’t sure how much more is OK to say and really need you to come by. Please, Sheila. We’ll buy lunch. Anything. Please!
This issue of the Comunity Bulletin brought to you by Edna’s Diner. Edna would like to remind you that she has a very good memory and knew most of you when you were barely twinkles in your parents’ eyes.
